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50 Shades of....CRAP!!!
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Apple



Joined: 24 Nov 2008
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 8:19 am    Post subject: 50 Shades of....CRAP!!!  Reply with quote

I was lent 50 Shades of Grey by a friend who said “I must read it” and “I would love it” and “its so addictive” and “its really good”, BUT in short it wasn’t, I can’t begin to stress strongly enough how truly appalling this book was. The last time I read a book and thought  "That was abysmal" and couldn’t bring myself to say anything nice about it was when I read Twilight, but my God, this book was beyond terrible, worse than anything I have ever read in my life, and I will never get back those minutes I wasted reading it! (I am just so glad I never wasted money on this... this... there are no words invented which adequately describe how bad it is!).

This book is so awful its simply the worst book I've ever read. I hated it. Its no better than toilet paper in fact that’s an insult to toilet paper as it is far more useful and interesting!

The central theme is that a rather naive college student, Ana, is swept off her feet after a chance encounter with a wealthy business man, Christian Grey, not only is he beyond rich, but he has the magnificent looks to match the size of his wallet which we are constantly reminded of. There is his grey eyes, his pentrating gaze etc etc. This together with the way his pants hang off his hips "in that way" (yes I know!), somehow have the effect to make this girl fall at his feet. We get on to the descriptions of his penis which of course is equally magnificent (but not grey!) it only has to appear for her to be bowled over by its "impressive length". His erection (which is permanent feature, it appears) is described imaginatively as  "impressive” and he only has to virtually look at her for her to have an orgasm that causes her body to "convulse and shatter into a thousand pieces” the author seems to like the word shatter she uses it to describe the endless constant orgasms which seem to happen on practically every page for example "her traitorous body explodes in an intense body-shattering orgasm",  she "shatters again into tiny fragments", and then of course she wonders will her body will withstand "another earth-shattering moment", and so on it goes on like this. Repetitive, would be a fair and polite description of the writing, complete crap is how I would describe it and enough to make you want to gouge out your eyes with a spoon would be an even fairer description!  She uses the same phases over and over and over and over and over. 'Holy crap' and 'Oh my' seem to be the favourites, as for descriptions clenching, tightening, blushing and lip biting happen on practically every bloody page!

The plot (what bit there is of it) is mind-numbingly tedious it stretches credibility way too far and none of the characters are at all likeable in any way shape or form they are just so wooden and irritating. What it is, is page after page of graphic sexual encounters and it becomes boring very quickly indeed, and there is just nothing else to hold the reader's interest. The jist of the story is that Christian is a sadist who likes to tie his women up and beat them up before sex. The “agonising” (but in my opinion not so difficult!) decision that Ana has to make is whether to stay and sign a contract submitting to him and his perverse actions and fantasies or not to and to lose him,  - Hmmm difficult choice...NOT!!

There is nothing more I can say, but how this book has been published is beyond me.




Last edited by Apple on Wed Jul 18, 2012 4:20 pm; edited 8 times in total
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Sandraseahorse



Joined: 21 Nov 2008
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 8:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So I take it that you aren't going to read the sequels.  Wink


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Apple



Joined: 24 Nov 2008
Posts: 1751



PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 8:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good god - There are more installments of this crap??!!!  Shocked

I was so negative about it I have had to alter what I had written several times to correct all the errors I have made in my rush to warn everyone about it!  Wink


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Chibiabos83
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Joined: 19 Nov 2008
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Location: Cambridge, UK

PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 8:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sounds like my kind of book.


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Gino



Joined: 20 Dec 2008
Posts: 127


Location: UK

PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 9:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

May I suggest for relaxation after reading that you try M Sades 120 days of soddam.



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Evie
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Joined: 24 Oct 2008
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Location: Kenilworth, Warwickshire, UK

PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 7:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Apple, thanks for this - my next door neighbour keeps trying to persuade me to read them (it's a trilogy!), saying how well written they are, but I have had my doubts...and you have helped me resist the pressure!  I like a bit of sex in a novel, but honestly...sounds horrendous!


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county_lady



Joined: 21 Nov 2008
Posts: 633


Location: N Worcs.

PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 10:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Caitin Moran in the Times' magazine said it was badly written but liked the fact that it was 'Mummy Porn'!


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Apple



Joined: 24 Nov 2008
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 20, 2012 12:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can't believe she wrote 3 of them!! oh dear god!  Shocked

Also picking up on what county lady wrote - Its not even good mummy porn!! It really is just BAD there are just no redeeming features in it, I'm not exaggerating here the plot is paper thin and totally unbelievable, and so flimsy its not even there, the characters are just plain horrible, but not even in a way you care what happens because they are also so wooden. But the worst bit really is the repetitive nature of the writing, its almost like the author doesn't know many words and so just reuses the ones she knows throughout the book! So with the non existent plot, horrible characters and constant sex you need something but this doesn't have it all it has is the same words and phrases and the same descriptions constantly repeated page after page, by the time I reached the end of it I was sick of hearing about the sodding "Inner Goddess" (yes really!!) and as for the bloody lip biting, that girl bit her lip that many times it was a wonder she had any left by the end!! All I can say is "Oh my!" what a load of "holy crap!"


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Evie
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Location: Kenilworth, Warwickshire, UK

PostPosted: Wed Jun 20, 2012 11:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm getting the impression you didn't like it, Apple...   Wink


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Apple



Joined: 24 Nov 2008
Posts: 1751



PostPosted: Wed Jun 20, 2012 12:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry Embarassed - turned into a bit of a rant didnt it!!

Its just its so bad - how can something that diabolical be published? Even more unbelievable is how can two more be written (I hope to god they are better than the first one!) and how can they be best bloody sellers?!!

To be fair it had the makings of a good story, looking at the man and how damaged he is and how he treats women and his sadistic nature etc but it was all lost because the writer just couldn't do it, and it ended up a complete dogs dinner.



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