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Literary Christmas Crackers
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Mikeharvey



Joined: 22 Nov 2008
Posts: 3351


Location: Lancashire

PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 11:54 am    Post subject:  Reply with quote

From a box of Shakespearean Crackers:

MOTTO: ..........to thine own self be true,
           And it must follow, as the night the day,
           Thou canst not then be false to any man. (Polonius)

JOKE:    Which Shakespeare character ran a brothel?
            Hamlet, Ponce of Denmark.

TRINKET: A tiny skull, to be attached to a key-ring as a memento mori.


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Ann



Joined: 21 Nov 2008
Posts: 1112


Location: Worcestershire

PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 6:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Motto: The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not the pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid  - Jane Austen

Joke: Which author writes in burning prose - Rudyard Kindling

Trinket: a facsimile ticket for the pilgrimage to Canterbury


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Castorboy



Joined: 22 Nov 2008
Posts: 1798


Location: Castor Bay Auckland NZ

PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 10:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cracker motto:
Books, books, books, books and reading up and down the room.  -  with apologies to Kipling.

Cracker joke:
Why was Roy Hattersley devastated when he found a dead bird on the estate?
Because it was Lady Hattersley’s plover.

Cracker trinket:
A meerschaum pipe.


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Green Jay



Joined: 13 Jan 2009
Posts: 1605


Location: West Sussex

PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 12:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am enjoying these but can't contribute - I just can't think up this kind of thing.


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county_lady



Joined: 21 Nov 2008
Posts: 633


Location: N Worcs.

PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 5:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Green Jay wrote:
I am enjoying these but can't contribute - I just can't think up this kind of thing.


Me too, I greatly admire the display of wit and imagination  both severely lacking in me.


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Chibiabos83
Site Admin


Joined: 19 Nov 2008
Posts: 3389


Location: Cambridge, UK

PostPosted: Mon Dec 10, 2012 4:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Motto:
'Les livres cadrent mal avec le mariage.' ('Reading goes ill with the married state.') Molière, Les Femmes Savantes

Joke:
Q. What was the name of the swinging sweet shop run by Charles Dickens in 1960s London?
A. Carnaby Fudge

Trinket:
Miniature silver cow creamer


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Mikeharvey



Joined: 22 Nov 2008
Posts: 3351


Location: Lancashire

PostPosted: Tue Dec 11, 2012 10:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A Freudian Cracker

Motto:  America is a mistake, a giant mistake (Sigmund Freud)

Joke:    Twice as many people as expected turned up for a recent
           lecture on schizophrenia.

Trinket:  A tiny dolls-house sized couch.


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Sandraseahorse



Joined: 21 Nov 2008
Posts: 1149



PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 10:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for all your literary crackers.  Please keep them coming.


    >=== BANG!  ===<

(Can anyone come up with a better emoticon?)

Here is my Wilkie Collins inspired effort;

Motto:
"No sensible man ever engages unprepared in a fencing match of words with a woman."
From "The Woman in White."
0r
"My hour for tea is half past five and my buttered toast waits for nobody."
Cf above.


Joke:

Which Wilkie Collins' novel is almost a social faux pas?

The Moon -stone(d).


Trinket

A hair bracelet.
cf Wilkie Collins'  "Hide and Seek."


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Castorboy



Joined: 22 Nov 2008
Posts: 1798


Location: Castor Bay Auckland NZ

PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 11:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cracker motto:
‘I love everything that’s old; old friends, old times, old manners, old books, old wines.’  -  Oliver Goldsmith

Cracker joke:
On a dark and stormy Christmas Eve Ebenezer Scrooge settled into his favourite armchair to watch his favourite film Ghostbusters.

Cracker trinket:
A brooch in the shape of a pea-green boat complete with owl and pussycat.


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Gul Darr



Joined: 21 Nov 2008
Posts: 715


Location: King's Lynn

PostPosted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Motto:
"I don’t believe one reads to escape reality. A person reads to confirm a reality he knows is there, but which he has not experienced.” Lawrence Durrell

Joke:
On which group of islands will you find the tastiest stew?
The Goulash Archipelago

Trinket:
An empty tin (which Alexander sold your nits in).

I couldn't really think of a trinket, so just used a terrible pun I was trying to make into a joke.



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