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Sandraseahorse

Literary Lonely Hearts

As a Christmas entertainment at my book club Christmas lunch, I set the challenge of writing an amusing and quirky advert for a Lonely Hearts column on behalf of a famous literary fictional character.

Here are my entries.  Can you guess who they are?  (They're not too difficult)

1)   If you absolutely LOVED the way Princess Beatrice looked at the Royal Wedding, then we've got something in common.  Outre fashionista seeks partner.
Entering my world will be like going on an LSD trip, although I touch nothing stronger than tea.  You will need to be a good conversationalist as I converse with everyone from royalty to small furry animals.
In the past I've pushed people away saying:  "No room!  No room!"  But now there's plenty of room in my heart for someone as whacky as me.



2)  Born again, man of many parts seeks soul mate.  Will you be the bolt from the blue who galvanises my life?  GSOH - you'll probably find me in stitches.
Caro

The first one seems to me The Red Queen from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland or Alice Through the Looking Glass.  I feel I've got the wrong character but the right book.  Who scurried round saying No time, No time or similar.  The White Rabbit!  Yes?
Castorboy

The second one has to be Frankenstein's monster. I'll have to rack my brains for an entry!
Evie

The Mad Hatter?
Evie

Or the Hatter, as he is known in the original...I don't think he's specifically referred to as the Mad Hatter by Carroll.
Sandraseahorse

Yep, it's the (Mad) Hatter and Frankenstein's Monster.  Does anyone else want to have a go at doing a Literary Lonely Hearts ad?

(BTW are we doing a Christmas competition?)
Chibiabos83

It's a nice idea, isn't it, if we haven't left it too late. I'm not sure I'll have time  Confused (That emoticon is called 'confused', but it's meant to indicate a kind of semi-anxiety.) If people are interested, I'm sure one of us can establish a few rules. They have been fun in previous years.
Marita

I don’t think we’re too late. In 2008 the challenge was set on December 11th and that wasn’t an easy one.
It would be lovely to continue the tradition of the Seasonal Shorts.
Evie

Would like to meet young woman to hang out with, must be discreet.  Would kill me if she was gorgeous.  No phoneys.
Sandraseahorse

Phoneys?  Holden Caulfield (Catcher in the Rye)?
Evie

Yes!  I'm not imaginative enough to make them more difficult!   Very Happy
MikeAlx

1. Suitors required for noted socialite of regal lineage. Most be of quality stock and not just any old Tom. Please, no bugs. Reply c/o The Newsroom, New York Sun.

2. Me: Injun brave. You: Squaw slave. Riport to The Den, down the Lane. Worning: rotters and sissys wil be scalpt.
county_lady

#2 must be William. I'll need longer for #1.  Smile
MikeAlx

Correct, of course!  Very Happy
Castorboy

1. Rather battered old knight requires companion. Has many friends one of whom was a sovereign, indeed.
Possibles vetted quickly.

2. I seek refined young lady to slow down my life of adventure. I have visited many countries in Europe , the Middle East and South America on behalf of the British Empire but now feel I should take steps to retire to a country estate.
Sandraseahorse

Gosh, Castorboy.

Is 1) Don Quixote?
2) Hornblower?
Evie

Still can't get Mike's first one...tricky!

I was wondering about Richard Hannay for Castorboy's second, but just guessing!
Castorboy

Evie wrote:
Still can't get Mike's first one...tricky!

I was wondering about Richard Hannay for Castorboy's second, but just guessing!

I can't work out Mike's either, Evie, but Hannay is right.

Sandraseahorse, two good guesses I can see would be close but....
Green Jay

Superior, modest gentleman seeks well-connected young lady, pliant, church-goer, for matrimony. Can offer exceptional social life, noble patronage, and pleasant family home (eventually). GSOH essential.
Sandraseahorse

Quote:
Superior, modest gentleman seeks well-connected young lady, pliant, church-goer, for matrimony. Can offer exceptional social life, noble patronage, and pleasant family home (eventually). GSOH essential.


Hmmm.  It sounds Austen-ish.
Caro

Austen is usually seen from the woman's point of view though.  Perhaps Trollope?  Or Great Expectations or David Copperfield?  Perhaps there isn't noble patronage there.
Chibiabos83

Surely Mr Collins. Charlotte Lucas must have had a GSOH to have married him in the first place...
Apple

1. Misunderstood and troubled untameable Male seeks a very special lady for deep, intense and meaningful relationship.

2. Female woman of the world seeks male companions to use, abuse and then discard.

3. Very young socialite seeks any male who will offer a good time, money and more. Special consideration will be given to miltary personnel.
Chibiabos83

1. Heathcliff?

2. Are you sure this is a fictional character? Could be any one of several women I have met...
Apple

Chibiabos Wrote:
Quote:
1. Heathcliff?

2. Are you sure this is a fictional character? Could be any one of several women I have met...
I'm just too predictable arn't I?! yes indeed it is Heathcliff as for number two - thats a little harsh isn't it!!  Very Happy But yes indeed it is a fictional character one which I don't remember very fondly at all. (That is a HUGE hint!!) any ideas for number 3?
Chibiabos83

Just my little joke Wink
Apple

Very Happy

have thought of a couple more...

4.  Intelligent female with confident and organised approach to life seeks her own magical man for friendship and love!

5. Misunderstood Male seeks that special female for friendship, companionship and everlasting love. The right woman will be cherished always and earn eternal loyalty.
Evie

Is no. 3 Lydia Bennett from Pride and Prejudice?
Sandraseahorse

I thought 3 was Becky Sharp from "Vanity Fair".   Is 4 Hermione from "Harry Potter"?
Apple

Evie is right for number three it is indeed Lydia Bennett and Sandra is right for number 4, it is Hermione Granger.  I'm not clever enough to make them too taxing, and they are all pretty obvious in their own way but number 2 and number 5 still have yet to be guessed though.
Chibiabos83

Yuong chap sekes similar for fun mabey more. No peotry-reading sissy types. GOSH esential.
Evie

Ha, it is molesworth, the scurge of st custard's, chiz chiz.  Fotherington thomas sa he prefer ickle daisies to gurls, but molesworth is clerely a cach.
Green Jay

Chibiabos83 wrote:
Surely Mr Collins. Charlotte Lucas must have had a GSOH to have married him in the first place...


Absolutely! That last was a bit of authorial overview  Wink

I guessed Apple's no 3 as Lydia Bennet, too, then saw that the answer was further down the page. I was going to try and do Lydia, she is such a force of nature, amongst other things...
Green Jay

Well-covered type seeks companion for mutual morale-boosting and small adventures. Interests include walking, philosophy, and fine - and frequent - dining.
county_lady

Green Jay wrote:
Well-covered type seeks companion for mutual morale-boosting and small adventures. Interests include walking, philosophy, and fine - and frequent - dining.


Well I'm not found in  fiction so it can't be me!?
Mikeharvey

Help! I need someone to talk to. My boyfriend has abandoned me and my father died recently. My brother is away at Uni.  Interested in botany.
Castorboy

Green Jay wrote:
Well-covered type seeks companion for mutual morale-boosting and small adventures. Interests include walking, philosophy, and fine - and frequent - dining.

Samuel Pickwick, Esq.?
Castorboy

Mikeharvey wrote:
Help! I need someone to talk to. My boyfriend has abandoned me and my father died recently. My brother is away at Uni.  Interested in botany.

The sensual Lady Chatterley?
Mikeharvey

Not Lady Chatterley.  Further back than that....
TheRejectAmidHair

Mikeharvey wrote:
Not Lady Chatterley.  Further back than that....


Ophelia.
Mikeharvey

Well done. Ophelia it is.
Green Jay

Castorboy wrote:
Green Jay wrote:
Well-covered type seeks companion for mutual morale-boosting and small adventures. Interests include walking, philosophy, and fine - and frequent - dining.

Samuel Pickwick, Esq.?


Good try, but more ursine...
MikeAlx

Pooh!
Green Jay

Well done! I thought the small adventures was a dead giveaway.
But then I've found everyone else's really hard to solve.
Castorboy

3. My employer, very continental and fastidious about his person and appearance, would like to make the acquaintance of a mature lady who will share the cerebral pleasure of finding those who, to use one of his words, cause contretemps in society. In the first instance please contact me at the attached address.

4. Although I am not handsome to look at, possibly repulsive, a young woman would see the inner beauty of my nature. As well I am courageous with my lofty ambitions similar to my present abode.
Apple

I've thought of another one, and I'm also quite surprised that nobody has got a couple of my other ones yet!

6. Lady with a secret past, seeks loving man of means to help forget and rebuild a future.

7. Manipulative and devious male with genuine evil streak seeks anyone who he can use for his own ends. (and no its not Lord Voldemort!)

8. Male who has recently changed his outlook on life, seeks female companion to share it with.
Ann

Castorboy wrote:
.

4. Although I am not handsome to look at, possibly repulsive, a young woman would see the inner beauty of my nature. As well I am courageous with my lofty ambitions similar to my present abode.


Is it Quazimodo?
Chibiabos83

Or perhaps Dorian Gray? (Because of the 'lofty'...)
Gul Darr

Ooh, only just discovered these!

Castorboy wrote:
3. My employer, very continental and fastidious about his person and appearance, would like to make the acquaintance of a mature lady who will share the cerebral pleasure of finding those who, to use one of his words, cause contretemps in society. In the first instance please contact me at the attached address.

Is it Hercule Poirot?
Gul Darr

Apple wrote:
8. Male who has recently changed his outlook on life, seeks female companion to share it with.

Ebeneezer Scrooge?
Gul Darr

Apple, not sure about 6 and 7, unless no 6 is Lady Dedlock? I'll read back and find your other 2.
Gul Darr

Quote:
5. Misunderstood Male seeks that special female for friendship, companionship and everlasting love. The right woman will be cherished always and earn eternal loyalty.

Mr D'Arcy?
Gul Darr

Quote:
2. Female woman of the world seeks male companions to use, abuse and then discard.

I think Sandra has already guessed this one, but just got the wrong number! Beck Sharp?
Gul Darr

Distinctively sounding purpose-built intelligent young man of small stature and dubious parentage seeks female companion for a strictly defined period of time.
Apple

I have copied them all into one place as they were a bit spread out and put the ones which have been guessed correctly with the answer.

1. Misunderstood and troubled untameable Male seeks a very special lady for deep, intense and meaningful relationship. Heathcliff – guessed very quickly by Chibiabos, because I am just too predictable in my choices! Very Happy

2. Female woman of the world seeks male companions to use, abuse and then discard.

3. Very young socialite seeks any male who will offer a good time, money and more. Special consideration will be given to miltary personnel. Lydia Bennett – guessed by Evie

4.  Intelligent female with confident and organised approach to life seeks her own magical man for friendship and love! – Hermionie Granger guessed by Sandraseahorse

5. Misunderstood Male seeks that special female for friendship, companionship and everlasting love. The right woman will be cherished always and earn eternal loyalty.

6. Lady with a secret past, seeks loving man of means to help forget and rebuild a future.  Lady Dedlock, guessed by Gul Darr

7. Manipulative and devious male with genuine evil streak seeks anyone who he can use for his own ends. (and no its not Lord Voldemort!) Dracula - guessed by Castorboy

8. Male who has recently changed his outlook on life, seeks female companion to share it with. – Ebenezer Scrooge guessed by Gul Darr


I have also spotted Gul’s guesses and you are right on some Gul but not  others! You correctly guessed Lady Dedlock for number 6 and Ebenezer Scrooge for number 8 but number 2 is not Becky Sharp and number 5 is not Mr Darcy.  Number 2 is as I say someone and a book who and which I did not like at all, it is also a book which Himadri has vocalised about before if that drops any big hints. Also notice male companions - pural! I thought number 5 was quite obvious actually and I am surprised its not been got yet, number 7 I'm not too happy with as it could be misconstrude. But the character in question was definately devious and not a nice man.

I have thought of another...

9. Logically minded male seeks female companion, however, the right candidate must have a relaxed attitude to drug abuse. Sherlock Holmes - guessed (again incredibly quickly!) by Chibiabos!
Chibiabos83

Elementary, my dear Apple!
Apple

Chibiabos Wrote:
Quote:
Elementary, my dear Apple!
would that be a criptic guess for number 9? because if it is it would be correct!  Very Happy
Castorboy

Congratulations Gul Darr and Ann – you have minded your Ps and Qs!  Poirot and Quasimodo are correct.
Castorboy

Ah'm not sure 'ow to write this but ah did tak to a border wordmun who says ah needed a wifey to help wit' farm, like. He sez ah shudn't depend on t' bonny cullard dogs for company.
Castorboy

Apple wrote:
7. Manipulative and devious male with genuine evil streak seeks anyone who he can use for his own ends. (and no its not Lord Voldemort!)

My OH looking over my shoulder suggested Dracula but I was concerned that she may have meant someone closer to hand!
Apple

Very Happy  Well tell your OH that she is right, it is indeed Dracula! Well done!

Still no guesses for number 2 and number 5!! How long are we leaving it till all unguessed ones are revealed?
Apple

I guess nobody knows then!!

In which case shall we start revealing the ones which haven't been guessed?
Apple

Ok then maybe not!!  Smile
Gul Darr

Yes, please do!!!
Apple

Gul Darr wrote:
Yes, please do!!!
Very Happy

Ok then...

2. Female woman of the world seeks male companions to use, abuse and then discard.  This is Nana from the novel of the same name by Emile Zola, I really thought this would be guessed quickly after the hints I dropped.

5. Misunderstood Male seeks that special female for friendship, companionship and everlasting love. The right woman will be cherished always and earn eternal loyalty. This is Professor Snape from the Harry Potter stories, complex, and totally misunderstood with his everlasting love of Lily Potter and the loyalty he showed towards her memory.
Gul Darr

Very good, Apple. I should have got those two.
Green Jay

I haven't read any Harry Potter so that would have passed me by anyway; but Nana - it all makes sense now!
Mikeharvey

DRINKING PAL WANTED BY LONELY AGEING KNIGHT - WITH MILITARY EXPERIENCE - RECENTLY DUMPED BY BEST FRIEND.
Castorboy

Sir John Falstaff
Mikeharvey

Of course.
Castorboy

My early attempt at Falstaff I fear was too obscure but I was hoping sovereign and quickly would be easy clues!
1. Rather battered old knight requires companion. Has many friends one of whom was a sovereign, indeed. Possibles vetted quickly.

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