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Sandraseahorse

Literary Christmas Crackers

IIRC Apple was bemoaning  the recent dearth of literary quizzes or competitions so I've decided to set one.  I'm planning to liven up the December meeting of my U3A literary group by bringing along some mince pies and Christmas crackers.  I tried to find on the internet literary themed crackers but couldn't find any.  This seemed strange, at least to me, as you can get literary themed tea towels and fridge magnets and musical crackers.

So imagine that you are marketing some literary crackers and in each one you have to put:
A motto (or aphorism);
A "joke" (remember no pun is too dreadful for a Christmas cracker),
and a trinket.  

Can you think of something for each of the above with a  literary theme?
Anyone that amuses or entertains me get to pull a virtual cracker with me.
(If I can find a suitable emotican)
Sandraseahorse

Oh, dear. No replies.  So here are my suggestions and I hope that they will inspire a few others:

My Cracker motto/aphorism

"One's favourite book is as elusive as one's favourite pudding."
E.M. Forster

My Cracker "joke":

Q.  What is purple and Dickensian?
A.  Grape Expectations.

My cracker trinket:

A small plastic magnifying glass and a scrap of paper with tiny figures on it.  Instructions tell you to take Sherlock Holmes as your inspiration.  Using the code from "The Dancing Men", the message reads "Happy Christmas."


Come on.  I'm sure you can come up with much better suggestions, especially my feeble "joke."
I don't want to be the only cracker.    >====<
Chibiabos83

Sorry, I meant to reply yesterday but I've just got no time at the moment for posting. This is a brilliant idea, Sandra. I'll definitely participate. Much better than the Seasonal Short as far as this year is concerned - it exercises a different part of my brain and shouldn't take as long to do...

۞==<

(That's my side of the cracker going bang.)
TheRejectAmidHair

Cracker motto:
“Everywhere I go, I'm asked if I think the universities stifle writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a best seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.” – Flannery O’Connor


Bad cracker joke:
Which novel doesn’t go south of the river at this time of the night?
- Northanger Cabby

Cracker trinket:
A metal cylindrical whistle, with the Latin inscription: “QUIS EST ISTE QUI UENIT”
Sandraseahorse

The joke made me laugh (and I'd love to have the whistle - although I wouldn't dare blow it!).

  >== BANG ==<
Evie

Just to say that I too love this idea, and haven't had time yet to give it some thought, but I will!  And I love Himadri's entry.   Very Happy
MikeAlx

Yes, I like this idea too, but haven't come up with anything good yet!
Marita

This is my Christmas cracker.

Motto:
A home without books is a body without soul.
Cicero

Joke:
A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.

Gift:
'Big Reader' bookmark - see photo on my facebook page
https://www.facebook.com/photo.ph...1950265813&type=3&theater
Castorboy

Cracker motto:
‘I never read a book before reviewing it; it prejudices a man so.’  -  Hesketh Pearson

Bad cracker joke:
Why did Henry James not want to board the Mary Celeste?
Because he feared the return of the crew.

Cracker trinket:
A golden-coloured key to unlock the secrets of literature.
Sandraseahorse

So much talent on this board and the jokes are much funnier than the usual cracker jokes.

                                     
            >==== BANG!====<
Castorboy

This quiz is such a great idea, Sandra, that I am finding inspiration from the link of the Christmas season with ghost stories.

Cracker motto:
‘The chapter of accidents is the longest chapter in the book.’  -  John Wilkes

Bad cracker joke:
Which American novel is in the dressing rooms of the cast of Blythe Spirit?
The Grapes of Wraith.

Cracker trinket:
A plastic doubloon inscribed on the reverse with ‘Greetings from Treasure Island.’
Marita

Another Christmas cracker from me.

Motto:
Tea and books - two of life's exquisite pleasures that together bring near bliss.
Christine Hanrahan

A riddle:
Question: Who is the best travelled author?
Answer: Jules Verne. He went Around the World in Eighty Days, on A Journey to the Center of the Earth, Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea and From the Earth to the Moon.

Gift:
The key to a Room of Requirement which in a Big Readers home is sure to be a library because we all require a library, don’t we.


Castorboy

Cracker motto:
‘Go, little book and wish to all, flowers in the garden, meat in the hall.’  -  Robert Louis Stevenson

Bad cracker joke:
Why did Marcel Proust regret a mis-spent youth?
He devoted the rest of his life in search of lost prime.

Cracker trinket:
A tiny quill pen marked S.Pepys.
Sandraseahorse

Well done Castorboy and Marita.

 >== BANG ==<

But where are the others who said they were going to enter?
Chibiabos83

Expect my contribution before Christmas.
MikeAlx

Motto:
"We read to know we are not alone" - C.S. Lewis

Joke:
Q Why didn't Galsworthy's early novels anticipate his later success?
A Because they lacked Forsyte

Trinket:
A small biro, bearing the legend "power tool".
Evie

Great joke, Mike!  Am loving these - just wish I could come up with something!!  Will keep working on it...
Castorboy

Cracker motto:
‘You’ve got to develop criteria, exercise your ability to analyze and synthesize, and not just spit out empty opinions.’  -  Eduardo Halfon, a writer from Guatemala City.

Bad cracker joke:
Where does the Huddersfield Choral Society rehearse the performance of their oratorios?
The school for Handel.

Cracker trinket:
A locket with a portrait of the Dark Lady.
Sandraseahorse

Love them all!
>== BANG ==<
Castorboy

Your'e too kind Embarassed
Mikeharvey

From a box of Shakespearean Crackers:

MOTTO: ..........to thine own self be true,
           And it must follow, as the night the day,
           Thou canst not then be false to any man. (Polonius)

JOKE:    Which Shakespeare character ran a brothel?
            Hamlet, Ponce of Denmark.

TRINKET: A tiny skull, to be attached to a key-ring as a memento mori.
Ann

Motto: The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not the pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid  - Jane Austen

Joke: Which author writes in burning prose - Rudyard Kindling

Trinket: a facsimile ticket for the pilgrimage to Canterbury
Castorboy

Cracker motto:
Books, books, books, books and reading up and down the room.  -  with apologies to Kipling.

Cracker joke:
Why was Roy Hattersley devastated when he found a dead bird on the estate?
Because it was Lady Hattersley’s plover.

Cracker trinket:
A meerschaum pipe.
Green Jay

I am enjoying these but can't contribute - I just can't think up this kind of thing.
county_lady

Green Jay wrote:
I am enjoying these but can't contribute - I just can't think up this kind of thing.


Me too, I greatly admire the display of wit and imagination  both severely lacking in me.
Chibiabos83

Motto:
'Les livres cadrent mal avec le mariage.' ('Reading goes ill with the married state.') Molière, Les Femmes Savantes

Joke:
Q. What was the name of the swinging sweet shop run by Charles Dickens in 1960s London?
A. Carnaby Fudge

Trinket:
Miniature silver cow creamer
Mikeharvey

A Freudian Cracker

Motto:  America is a mistake, a giant mistake (Sigmund Freud)

Joke:    Twice as many people as expected turned up for a recent
           lecture on schizophrenia.

Trinket:  A tiny dolls-house sized couch.
Sandraseahorse

Thanks for all your literary crackers.  Please keep them coming.


    >=== BANG!  ===<

(Can anyone come up with a better emoticon?)

Here is my Wilkie Collins inspired effort;

Motto:
"No sensible man ever engages unprepared in a fencing match of words with a woman."
From "The Woman in White."
0r
"My hour for tea is half past five and my buttered toast waits for nobody."
Cf above.


Joke:

Which Wilkie Collins' novel is almost a social faux pas?

The Moon -stone(d).


Trinket

A hair bracelet.
cf Wilkie Collins'  "Hide and Seek."
Castorboy

Cracker motto:
‘I love everything that’s old; old friends, old times, old manners, old books, old wines.’  -  Oliver Goldsmith

Cracker joke:
On a dark and stormy Christmas Eve Ebenezer Scrooge settled into his favourite armchair to watch his favourite film Ghostbusters.

Cracker trinket:
A brooch in the shape of a pea-green boat complete with owl and pussycat.
Gul Darr

Motto:
"I don’t believe one reads to escape reality. A person reads to confirm a reality he knows is there, but which he has not experienced.” Lawrence Durrell

Joke:
On which group of islands will you find the tastiest stew?
The Goulash Archipelago

Trinket:
An empty tin (which Alexander sold your nits in).

I couldn't really think of a trinket, so just used a terrible pun I was trying to make into a joke.
Sandraseahorse

We had my book group Christmas lunch today and I set this cracker challenge for them beforehand.

One member of the group not only thought up a trinket but actually made it.  She produced a beautiful small muslin bag with a label reading "SWAG" round the neck.  Inside the bag were folded pieces of paper and each had on the front the name of a classic, e.g "Emma" by Jane Austen, etc.  

The trinket represented "The Book Thief."  Ingenious I thought.

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