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Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 2010

The San Jose State University has announced that the author of one published and two soon-to-be-published novels, Molly Ringle of Seattle, has won the grand prize for the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest of bad writing.
Here is the winning sentence :- For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss – a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage–mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.  

Can we do better or should I say worse than the above? Alternatively what should be a suitable award for the winner of a contest such as this?

According to the official web site she receives a pittance. Ringle admits that she only writes bad fiction when she fails at good fiction. She'd rather not say how often this happens!
Molly Ringle is the 28th grand prize winner of the contest that began at San Jose State University in 1982.  She is also the second consecutive Washingtonian in a row to win the contest, last year’s being David McKenzie.

That is the funniest description of kissing I have ever read!  Thanks for making me laugh, Castorboy!
Gul Darr

LOL! I knew I was doing something wrong...

That is truly bad writing of the McGonagall class!  Laughing

But at what point does a ridiculous simile cross from stupidity into genius? Why, when it's written by Douglas Adams of course: "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't."  Laughing

Might I suggest that Readers, who happen to have a suitable person at hand, try out that kiss and let us know what it feels like in practice?

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